You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
