Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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