Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize