When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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