dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
