Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
