Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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