he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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