Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
