Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
