Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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