he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
