when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Im part way to drunk.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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