You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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