I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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