I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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