Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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