omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
