i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
