she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
