so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
