We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
