I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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