god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
