I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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