I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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