Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
