I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
