So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
