New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
