i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
