i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
