i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
