There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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