Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
