how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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