Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
