Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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