Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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