I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I pour the whiskey from now on
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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