Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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