dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
