I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
