The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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