nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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