If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
