just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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