This is not my ceiling
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
