everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
even my farts smell like vagina
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
operation harelip BJ is a go
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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