You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
