i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
