If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
