Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize