Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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