I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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