Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
