don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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