She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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