I hope mine doesn't look like that
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
