You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
