He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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