he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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