Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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