I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
