You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
