dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
