She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
