as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
