literally had 100 drinks last night.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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