Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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