Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
