i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
