omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
