Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
