Quick, to the slutcave!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
