I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she looked like the before picture.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
