How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
