I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
