Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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