My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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