It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need a beard to bite.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
