He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize