my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
